In past Football Weeks, we’ve done our grapey comparisons of the QBs, the Wide Receivers, and the Running Backs. Now, the Tight Ends get their time to shine!

jimmy graham

Crushes it for the Saints. He scores so many points that he actually argued he should be classified as a wide receiver when he was negotiating his contract. An arbitrator ruled against him, but the stats still stand. If you’ve got a wine that says it’s one thing but acts like something else, you might have a Zinfandel on your hands. You never quite know what style of Zin you’ll get – something brawny and fruit-dominant, or something slightly more complex and elegant.

julius thomas

He really started rocking on the Denver Broncos once Peyton came along to throw to him. A good partner will always make you better (see: this week’s THREE touchdowns), just like the softness of Merlot is complemented by the structure and tannins in Cabernet. That’s the secret sauce of any Bordeaux-style blend – and a touchdown-dominant team.

rob gronkowski

A touchdown maniac for the Patriots – until he screws up his back and misses the playoffs and thereby ruins your otherwise-probable fantasy league win last year. Not that I’m still bitter about it or anything. He’s back on the field this season but a little more bruised and a little risky. Our grape match is clear: Pinot Noir is a grape that bruises easily and therefore tough to make wine from. But when it’s good, it’s amazing.

jason witten

The Cowboys’ long-time TE is steady and reliable, just like a Cotes du Rhone. When in doubt, you can always get one of these reds that are affordable and not incredible but dependably good.

vernon davis

San Francisco 49ers’ Captain Torpedo dominates with both his size and speed. A go-to red zone target means he’s good on the finish, just like many of the best wines. The “finish” in wine means you can still taste it on your palate after you’ve swallowed – that might be flavor, or other layers of complexity like acid or tannin. A longer finish usually indicates the wine is damn good. A young white will give you a short finish, a Riesling could go about 30 seconds or more, and some of the best White Burgundies with their silky, elegant layers of appropriate oak, acid, and delicate fruit will last a minute. For the record, White Burgundy is all Chardonnay, the way it should be made. One of my favorite wines ever.