just a weird, awkward and therefore creepy non-kiss

Let’s call it what it is – Katie Holmes married a very famous scientologist and then she got very famous too. Tom Cruise’s utter devotion to the “body of beliefs” was clear to all, and I will never believe she didn’t know full well what she was getting into. Anyone now calling her a victim is probably also under some weird influence.

Scientology doesn’t ban you from drinking alcohol, but Tom doesn’t drink anyway. So maybe Katie’s now like, “Finally! My contract is done and I can publicly be the grapefriend I’ve always been!” Not quite. She just told the New York Times that she liked boxed wine. “I still think of myself as Midwestern. I mean, I’ve had box wine. It’s good.” She didn’t exactly bring this up randomly – she’s in a new play which takes place in the midwest and they drink boxed wine. But US Weekly translated this into “I love box wine!” because that’s how they roll. And I love them for it.

Boxed wine gets a bad rep because there are a lot of really bad ones. Really bad ones. But as you probably know from Green Week, lots of wineries are now putting some decent juice into eco-friendly boxes. Without hesitation I’d say the Bota Box Malbec is an easy drinker and good for a party. So if Katie was getting all green about it then I’d have to give her points in the cool column. But why does she like it? “It’s easier to open.” She’s got enough money to drink Grand Cru, but guaranteed she’s swilling the Franzia. Guaranteed.