These playoff bets are just bumming me out now and yet I still keep documenting them, hoping someone will stop acting like a concussed player and bet some wine.

this is the closest we get to grapes in this week’s bets – snore

broncos vs patriots

The loser will have to wear the opposing team’s jersey at next week’s US Conference of Mayors meeting in DC. Denver Mayor Michael Hancock also bet Green Chile and a hoodie, ball cap, and skis made by Denver’s Icelantic Skis. Boston Mayor Martin Walsh is additionally betting a stack of library books and chocolate turtles from the Phillips Candy House.

Winner: Denver. Boston will send books? They’re the worst. Don’t get me wrong – I was an English major! But it’s a playoff bet, have a little fun. Then again, it’s not like there’s much good wine coming out of Massachusetts.

seahawks vs 49ers

For some reason I’m more open to charity bets, which is where Seattle/San Francisco netted out. Seattle Mayor Ed Murray and San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee said that the losing mayor would help the winning mayor raise $10,000 for a food bank or meal program in their city.

But also, Mayor Murray would send Molly Moon’s Homemade Ice Cream and Theo Chocolate if the Seahawks lose. And if the 49ers lose, Mayor Lee will send Mitchell’s Ice Cream, Poco Dolce Chocolates and Lefty O’Doul’s original 1958 Bloody Mary Mix.

Winner: San Fran. Finally, some booze  – well not really even since it’s just mix, but close enough! Had way more hopes for Washington betting some good Walla Walla wine or San Fran sending wine from any region near them, but those hopes were dashed like tabasco in a Bloody.

These bets have been such a bore this year. Let’s hope they get a little more creative (and obv grapey) with the Super Bowl teams. Until then, I’ve been getting all of my amusement from this pardoy of NFL Bad Lip Reading that Jordan Winery did. I’m already obsessed with the original video, but when you add wine to anything football – as you can imagine, I basically died.