pop grape

the decline of wine and world literacy, all in one bottle

50-Shades-red-2009They are making 50 Shades of Grey wine. Help us all. You know I’m into anything that blends pop culture and wine, but this – oy.

There’s a red and a white – Red Silk and White Satin, double oy – but I’m not even getting into their tasting notes or details because seriously would you actually buy this? They’re saying it was personally blended by the 50 Shades author and winemakers in “California’s premium North Coast appellation.” The North Coast appellation is not premium! It’s a massive area that produces the entire quality range grapes, and you just slap it on a bottle to make unknowing people think it’s from “somewhere.”  The region does include Napa and Sonoma, but if the grapes only came from there that’s what the bottle would say. North Coast is often just a blended wine that usually grabs crappy grapes that are discarded by other people.

But how can we be shocked that the people behind 50 Shades of Grey think the North Coast region is premium? I love that they also say “Fifty Shades of Grey Wine will allow fans to further explore the world of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey and personally experience James’ passion for wine.” If this James guy really does have a passion for wine (see: 50 Shades of Grapefriend), wouldn’t he be grossed out by this?

There are jillions of books that exist in the world. Go read The Sun Also Rises. That’s also sexy and FILLED with great wine scenes!

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20 thoughts on “the decline of wine and world literacy, all in one bottle

  1. I love this post . . . because I loathed 50 Shades of Grey. I read 100 pages . . . and hemorrhaged IQ points by the word. And now there’s 50 Shades of Wine?!? On principle alone . . . YUK!! Now Hem, on the other hand . . . ❤❤!!

  2. E. L. James is a woman, I believe. But if she has a “passion” for wine, I’m surprised she signed on to this silly project. Sounds more like she has a passion for money. Still, I am hesitant to be too critical. These books have a huge audience. What if people try the wine because of the name, and then discover that they really like wine? The first wine I ever drank was Gallo from a jug, but it got me interested in learning more.

    • I encourage you to learn more about it. Read it, even, with the critical thinking portion of your brain turned on. Erika Leonard “James” doesn’t even have a passion for the written word, let alone for wine.

      It is an abortion of literature pulled from the womb with the forceps of stupidity. It’s based firmly on the four most dangerously moronic words in the English language: “I can change him.” What you have here is an abusive relationship which miraculously works out, simultaneously vilifying, exploiting, and using the excuse of BDSM, written at a seventh grade reading level, save for whenever Leonard pulled out a thesaurus.

      I work for my city’s longest running public fetish club, and I quite assure you, amongst those it supposedly portrays, it’s an absolute joke. (Discounting those who are infuriated by the portrayal of doms as abusers with a misunderstood but curable psychosis.)

      If you’d like a good laugh, I recommend Katrina Lumsden’s reviews. Her blog, Katastrophic Curiosity, has a post called Fifty Shades of Bad Writing. If you look at the bottom of this post, there are word counts documenting the mere repetition of the writing. The winner is the word “hair,” which appears 763 times over the course of three books.

      Anyway, by all means, please, inform yourself. Before you do, remember that the most popular restaurant in the world is McDonald’s, the most popular wine is Franzia… and the most popular book is Fifty Sh**s of Grey. Whatever you do, don’t drink the Kool Aid. Or the wine.

      • Why thank you for your reply, VJ. Apparently my comment suggested to you that I am a fan of Ms. James’ writing, when in fact I found it to be cringe-inducing. I will allow that she has a certain storytelling talent, but I couldn’t get past the middle of second book because of the heinously sophomoric style. Furthermore, I too objected to the idea that Christian Grey’s interest in dominance and submission could only have resulted from childhood abuse. Still, I also happen to feel that the book, whatever its flaws (and there are many), revealed that a great many women in the English speaking world have Unspoken Desires and gave them an opportunity to name and explore those desires. Too often, writings that appeal to women and deal with female pleasure are ridiculed and devalued. So I don’t find these silly books quite as worthless and blameworthy as you do. As to the wine, no doubt it is an overpriced table wine. I certainly would not bother with it. My point was that many people who have never tasted wine before may try it now. Which is all to the good. The 1% who can learn more and enjoy it will do so.

  3. Using a blend of crappy grapes seems highly appropriate for this particular wine. The books are a blend of every writing “don’t” out there, and James uses the word crap endlessly in her “prose.”
    But they could have at least gotten more creative with the names. Flogged-Ass Red? Restraining Order White?

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