pop grape

you deserve a grape today, breaking dawn!

As Breaking Dawn passes the $200 million mark in its second week, there really isn’t any other movie that merits celebrating more. But what wine to toast with???

Here are a few points we should consider:

red, not white

While filming in Baton Rouge, R Pats and K Stew often went to a local wine bar after work. They once requested Armand de Brignac champagne (aka Ace of Spades, Jay-Z’s go-to bub, which retails for $250) but the bar didn’t carry it. Champers request denied! Also, with all the blood oozing around I think it’s clear we have to go red.

a long finish

To make the last book into two movies they really had to stretch it. I mean, you could’ve eaten your entire bucket of popcorn during Bella’s walk to the aisle alone. I’m sure Twihards loved every second and that’s who it’s for after all, but an editor would’ve made an easy buck slicing out the fat. Anyway, we’ll have to go with something bold and heavy.

aging potential

Edward is about 200 years old (I’m sure fans will know his exact age, grapefriend does not) so clearly we need a wine capable of lots of aging.

Now, we could go with something obvious like one of those red Vampire wines, but they look sketchy. And we could go with Sangue di Giuda (“Blood of Judas”), but that’s a pretty obscure red wine from Lombardy, Italy and I don’t know anyone whose had it. So we’re going to go with: Petite Sirah!

Petite Sirah (note: NOT Syrah) has vines that are long-lived and the grape berries are even somewhat prone to sunburn (so Edward). But the main reason we’re going with the P.S. is because its crazy-high tannins and deep color can stain your teeth. Wanna pretend you just converted your own human? Gulping down a glass or two of this will give your teeth some tint but tastes much better. And is legal.

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