Why are Kate and Wills so happy here?

1) they just got married

2) they’re royal and absurdly rich

3) they’re thinking about sexy Harry

4) their car runs on wine!!!!!!

NUMBER 4! NUMBER 4!

Prince Charles turned his Aston Martin (the one that K&W drove from Buckingham Palace after they got hitched) into a hybrid car that runs on wine! Now normally I wouldn’t condone this kind of use of wine – but it’s not like they’re pouring Chateau Margaux in the tank. I mean, they COULD (see quiz answer #2). But they’re using “surplus English wine,” ie shitty stuff no one liked enough to drink. OK, Charles, we’ve got some Barefoot coming your way!

This news came out like three years ago and I have no idea how I missed it. Charles is very green-minded, but on closer investigation it wasn’t exactly his idea. His chief aide said, “It just happened that our bioethanol supplier makes the fuel from surplus English wine.” Here’s how Green Fuels explains how it works:

By boiling off the wine’s 11% alcohol, condensing it and removing any remaining water, Green Fuels ended up with hundreds of litres of 99.8% pure ethanol, which they topped up with alcohol extracted from fermented whey collected from local cheesemakers.

Wine AND cheese? This is like Cocktail Hour in a gas tank! How the French didn’t start this is mind boggling.